Friday 6 June 2014

Calling me home

As I drift in and out of sleep
waiting

You call me from far away
calling for me to come home

the call so inviting, persistent
reminds me of what I love

but I can't wake, can't move
can't make the journey

clear and constant every day
you tell me to come back

as the sand slips through the timer
and life diminishes

because my one request from the God who failed me
was to return to you in the end

and yet,
I am holding on, waiting

Wednesday 4 June 2014

swept away/child

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtDpNTYBJfI

Swept away:

So we didn't get on at first
you and I 
We used to grump
and it wasn't fun

ok, so you sheltered me
yeah, well I wasn't grateful
oh and then we had a bit of a row eh,
and I told you I hated you

well, it turned out I didn't
but when did I stop hating you?
was it that night?
we sat there in the dark 

you talked to me so gently
as if you knew I was sharp because I was broken
or was it when I was lying there asleep
and you woke me so quietly and gently

or was it after the party
when we looked at the stars
and I realised you were unusual
like I am

well at first I didn't dare to talk to you
I was too wounded
but you sat with me quietly those times
until I responded, cautious, wounded

and then trust sprang up, love grew
and together, we started to build
I started to believe, to live again
to hope again, through you

so we shared a golden joyful summer
the storms came
and the storms drove us apart
as I battled the horror that came

I think about you every day
I think about you all
I think of our time together
and the hope that was swept away
the last human love I ever knew 
or ever will know


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gwx4iTRLXG8

Child:

The stars are shining
as she peacefully sleeps
like a child in her mother's arms
home, safe nurtured, unaware of the horrors to come

wrapped in blankets on the ground
out under the starry sky
the safest place on earth
close to you, like a child in her mother's arms

lying on the ground, breathing the cold night air
and looking at the shimmering diamond sky
happy, safe, loved, peaceful
as she sleeps in your arms 

alone on the ground, wrapped in blankets
and wrapped safe in your love and acceptance
in the silent night the small creatures run and the owl hoots
but she sleeps like a child in your arms, safe, peaceful, happy

the dawn comes and she wakes,
peaceful in the cold early dawn
to light the stove, wash, stash the blankets
and wait another day to sleep, safe under your loving care

oh if only she could go back, be a child in your arms again
hose dark nights of safety and love
sleeping safe in your arms forever in an endless love and care, 
it's true in every way, she found paradise there







The song of the South Coast

Sometimes in sleep 
we can fly

And as I prepare to fly
for the final time

let my fly 
above my beloved Southland
and remember
everything that I love

I remember the scorn in her voice
when she told me there were more beautiful 
counties than Hampshire
but of course there aren't

North Hampshire with it's vast fields and dark woods
and the South with the grass and marsh and creeks

I fly above the the scar in the chalk
where the motorway cuts the down
and I recall the scars that cut through my heart
from Winchester my home

If I forget you O Winchester...
eternally my home
forget how like a child learns to love it's mother
I learned to love my first home

The river races deep and swift 
from the mills down to the meadows
and the Cathedral bells cry out in protest
to a church that has lost her God

In this cold dark night
we were out singing carols by lamplight
in the quiet villages 
among the fields and barns of my homeland

The lost towns of the north
Andover and Basingstoke
Ice skating days, days on the concrete
banjos and song, part of my story

these fields and gardens that I tended
in the golden north
give way to the shadows of the forest
and the city of my childhood

The great docks of Southampton
bring those memories of escape
childhood on the streets
and my brother, so close, so long ago

We climbed on the anchor and the bargate slope
we watched the ships 
and then here I am alone
broken but sustained by this forever bond
with this city I loved from so young

there is the southern line, the centre of my heart
from Bournemouth to Brighton it marks my home
with the track that cut through my heart from childhood
and remained my compass home forever

See the masts at Bursledon
crying in the wind
they sing the song of the southern land
echoed by the tracks

the great hills rise in memory
of a childhood on the shore
and your ghost is there where you used to run
and will run forevermore

Still up the line the trains run
the trains have changed 
but the names of the stations 
the lullaby of my childhood, remain the same

Old Winchester hill and the downs to Brighton
Scarred with shame and injustice remain
and the sea washes at Selsey and Hove
and the graves of my fellow travellers sleep

The meon valley full of mist
in the early morning
the great 272 and the rolling downs
the dark of the trees as their crowns

and so my wings are tired, 
and everything I love is here

I return to what I have held dearest
the last human love I felt
I return to you and the memories
of the corner

I remember those nights
under the stars, 
joyful, content, trusting, loving, loved
sleeping like a child in her mother's arms

I remember the hope that you gave me,
and how at last I could believe
then the shadows gathered over the great hill
and in the storm you were swept away

and so the storm broke
as I told you it would
and I made my way here, sorrowing, broken,
to the Great Ship Bay

waiting in the shadow of the Great Hills,  for the end
and waiting to return 
to my Southern line
and Sanctuary's shore, where my soul will rest,
the candle burning low

as I sing the song of the Southern land
and the solent
the only love I know
and  wait, to fly, my last great journey home

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xPuFcoHjPw













Sunday 18 May 2014

10/10/2013

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the end of my life at the hands of Jane Fisher and the Diocese of Winchester.
I guess I had better do what everyone hates and break into poetry:

Freedom: Borrowed.

Songs on the wind over Herm and Sark
for all that a life could be
for the faith and hope that were carried away
over the deep and restless sea, over the restless sea

see them sail away
see them sail away
on the wind so wild and free

under a guilty and silent sky
over the restless sea

Tears for the moon over Jersey
for all that a life could be
for the heart and soul that were carried away
over the restless sea

under a guilty and silent sky
over the restless sea

And here is a link to a song that reminds me of coming back to England, of course:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlrmZAsU-I4

This is the worst trip I've ever been on :)

I will continue my poetry in the morning, I am exhausted with flu and am having an emergency stay indoors over night.
This is from my poetry (haha) blog on one of my other blog boards:

Waiting:

the days are full of fear
and the nights full of tension

awaiting news 
I don't want to hear

it feels like I can't breathe
stuck in limbo

can't move
nothing I can say or do

waiting for the final blow
unheard and waiting